Sunday July 8, 2007
I have a new boyfriend. We met last Sunday at the Grove. His name is iPhone and today is our one week anniversary! He’s great; he makes me laugh, he has great taste in music, we eat together, watch youtube, go shopping, he sleeps right next to me on my bed and he loves talking on the phone!
To celebrate our one week anniversary, we made a porno together today! He’s not shy so he said its okay to post it in my blog, so here it is:
Amanda: Oh, iphone you’re so cute.
iPhone: No, YOU’RE so cute Amanda.
Amanda: Hahaha. iPhone, you make me laugh.
Amanda: i love you with a lower case i.
iPhone: i love YOU with a lower case i.
Muah!
Amanda: Oh iPhone, I’m so hot for you. Lets take this rubber off! I want to feel your cool chrome against my skin!
iPhone: You’re so dirty! Yeah, take it off!
Amanda: Throw this iCondom away!
Amanda: Oh, iPhone, you feel soooooo good.
iPhone: i’m cuming!
Amanda: me too!
Amanda: Mmmmm, that was good.
muah.
iPhone: iSpoon?
Amanda: Yes please.
The End.
Wednesday March 14, 2007
Thank God 7-11 has finally started serving Fusion Energy Coffee
Finally, coffee and energy fused into one drink! I don’t know how many times I’ve walked into 7-11 and thought, I want the taste of coffee, but I am so tired, whatever shall I do? Well now I never have to wish for a hot beverage that not only tastes like bitter hazlenut infused mud, but actually wakes me up! What will they think of next? Beer that gets you drunk? Cigarettes that cause cancer? how about condoms that not only look cool when your guy puts them on his dick but actually prevent pregnancy and stuff. Hey, a girl can dream!
Wednesday July 19, 2006
Last night I was raped on AOL instant messager. It was no lol matter.
Sunday May 28, 2006
My dog ate my homework. That statement makes a whole lot more sense if I tell you that I’m a rapper from the 1990s and I call my vagina “homework”.
Wednesday March 1, 2006
The Mexican women (emphasis on plural) in my building all think I’m hilarious. They’ve never even seen my act, but every time I talk to them in the elevator they always nod and giggle, a lot. So either I kill in elevators or I’m a hit with the middle aged non-English speaking Latino crowd.