Sunday July 8, 2007
I have a new boyfriend. We met last Sunday at the Grove. His name is iPhone and today is our one week anniversary! He’s great; he makes me laugh, he has great taste in music, we eat together, watch youtube, go shopping, he sleeps right next to me on my bed and he loves talking on the phone!
To celebrate our one week anniversary, we made a porno together today! He’s not shy so he said its okay to post it in my blog, so here it is:
Amanda: Oh, iphone you’re so cute.
iPhone: No, YOU’RE so cute Amanda.
Amanda: Hahaha. iPhone, you make me laugh.
Amanda: i love you with a lower case i.
iPhone: i love YOU with a lower case i.
Muah!
Amanda: Oh iPhone, I’m so hot for you. Lets take this rubber off! I want to feel your cool chrome against my skin!
iPhone: You’re so dirty! Yeah, take it off!
Amanda: Throw this iCondom away!
Amanda: Oh, iPhone, you feel soooooo good.
iPhone: i’m cuming!
Amanda: me too!
Amanda: Mmmmm, that was good.
muah.
iPhone: iSpoon?
Amanda: Yes please.
The End.
Wednesday December 7, 2005
Okay, so right now my Myspace profile status is “In a Relationship”. I guess that qualifies me to give dating advice because I got an email from a girl today asking me for just that. I’ve always been better at giving advice than following it and I’ve been told that I’m good at counseling others when it comes to addiction, relationships and sex so maybe this is the start of a new career for me… or not.
From: ******
Date: Dec 7, 2005 4:05 PM
Subject: Coolness
advice….
I have a crash on ..5, on my top 8 list.
what do I do? Should I call him? He hasn’t sent me a message since I drunken-ly sent him a “I’m crush” email. What do I do?
Dear ******,
First of all, Don’t call unless you only want to get fucked in which case pick up the phone right now and tell him how much you want his body. He will do one of two things: he’ll either say “come over right now,” or he’ll change the subject which mean he’s not going to have sex with you because he’s either gay, just not attracted to you or too fucking stupid to know how close he is to easy pussy.
You are in his top eight right now which means he at least likes you as a friend, might want to have sex with you, and could possibly be interested in dating. If you’re interested in dating (and not just friendship or sex,) don’t call. You’ve already let him know you like him, if he likes you back he’ll call or message you. If he doesn’t do either he’s either a socially retarded virgin who’s never asked a girl out before or he just not interested in dating you.
From the looks of his profile, he doesn’t appear to be a socially retarded virgin (after all, he calls himself a swinger and says he’s looking to hump,) so I’d be willing to bet that he’s asked out a girl or two in his day. And although he claims to be looking for a “serious relationship”, usually guys that say they are looking to hump are just looking to hump.
I don’t think he’s the brightest bulb on Myspace and honestly I think you could do better, but I’ve dated plenty of losers myself so who am I to say you shouldn’t like him? I will say though, that emailing guys on Myspace to tell them that I have a crush on them has never gotten me a date and look at how cool I am. On the other hand, a little flirting has (but be careful not to go overboard- if he’s not flirting back then that doesn’t mean flirt harder, it means stop while you still have some self respect.)
I’ve noticed that you’ve left at least twice as many comments on this guys page as he has on yours, and ideally it should be the other way around (or at least closer to an equal effort.) So maybe you should just try being more flirtatious and less direct, let guys come after you a bit more and stop chasing after them. At least that’s what’s worked best for me, and I should know since I’m “In a Relationship”.
Love and good luck,
Amanda Egge