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yoga super powers

Tuesday September 19, 2006

This morning I went to a yoga class and was reminded how out of shape I am. Every position was painful, even the one where you lay down flat on your back and just breath! Granted the yoga mat I rented for a dollar wasn’t very thick, but how have I gotten to the point that I can’t even lay down on the floor without feeling pain?

I went to that fancy yoga place Goldenbridge where everything is very spiritual and expensive. The lady that led the class was cool- she was actually pretty funny and seemed very spiritual (whatever that means,)- she was dressed in all white and wore a white sheet on her head like an Indian (from India). I don’t know if she is a guru (or what a guru even is) but she seemed like my idea of one.

This was my second week going to the class. Last week she told us that you should never have your bed facing north-south because then your body lines up with the north and south pole which drains your energy and can make you feel crazy. Ever since then, I have been looking at my bedroom trying to figure out how to put my bed so that it is east-west. I don’t know if that kinda thing is true or not but it can’t hurt right? Being a recovering alcoholic/drug addict, I already struggle with feeling crazy enough as it is, I certainly don’t need to have a crazy making bed!

This week she said we were going to do a meditation that is supposed to give you super powers. She said she had never done this one in a group before so she was interested to see if any of us got any super powers from it. I know I haven’t been going to yoga enough for me to get the super powers. I can’t even get the chants right; I say what I think everyone else is saying but I’m probably getting it all wrong and asking the universe for powder soup instead of super powers or something. I just hope that a little bit of other people’s super power chants rub off on me and maybe I will not have to wear contacts anymore.

But then, she told a story about how her teacher or some guru guy had the superpower to control water. She said one time he made it so that some guy he didn’t like couldn’t pee for 3 days and another time he made it stop raining over a group of people that were meditating. Then some elder person told him that he shouldn’t do that because the plants needed water and he was messing with God’s plan or will, and that he will reincarnated as an amoeba for that! Not wanting to be reincarnated as an amoeba the guy prayed and chanted to have his super power removed.

So I don’t know why my yoga teacher decided to have us do a meditation that would give us super powers that will in turn make us be reincarnated as an amoeba if we use them. That doesn’t seem like a very good thing. Let’s hope that I just get that powdered soup. It doesn’t sound very delicious but at least it won’t turn me into an amoeba.